*002* The Psycho

Saturday, June 5, 2010, 9:55pm

Originally, I had this really huge long post (we're talking 7 full pages on my word processor) with at least one more post (though it is very possible there would have been more) planned to continue and the story wasn't even anywhere NEAR done. However, I realized that was just WAY TOO MUCH. Too much to read, too much time spent on someone I really actually hate, and just...too much everything.

So, I decided to condense it down. A LOT. Because really, before, I was trying to describe everything in the text transcripts and myspace blog/message screen caps and since that was my plan, I should've said “Fuck it!” and just shown you the exact word-for-word on it all, but for some reason I thought my extra long so-called “summarizing” would somehow be better. I was extremely wrong.

Instead of all that, I decided I will do my best to just sum-up the general happenings between The Psycho and I over the course of the whole 19 months that this bullshit went down. Oh and before you try to follow a time line in this: There is none. I did not write anything here in any kind of order, it's just random crap that happened. Maybe I'll make a time line one day, but I'm making no promises. Unless I get a freakishly huge amount of requests for one. Then I probably will make it. So, I guess what I'm saying is me making a time line is really up to YOU.

The small part of background story you might need to know for this to all make sense (I say small because originally, I had almost 2 full pages of “background story”) pretty much boils down to this: Husband and I were together for about 2 months out of the year of 2007 and we broke up because he couldn't deal with the long distance thing. Oh but he didn't break up with me, he had Complaint Master (who I was closer to at the time than I am now) do it for him because “I was a really nice girl and he didn't want to hurt me”. We laugh about it now and I mock him for it, but at the time it was really shitty.

We ended up back together March 24, 2008, had our beautiful Babyboy/Genius Kid August 10, 2009, we will be married July 24, 2010, and have been together ever since. Between us breaking up in 2007 and getting back together in March of 2008, he was with The Psycho for a little while. Other than that, there's not much to tell for background. Even though for some reason I previously thought there was.

Onto the nitty gritty! I have a feeling this still might end up on the long-ish side, but I'm definitely going to try and fill it up with as much funny as possible!

The Psycho repeatedly showed her stupidity and ignorance throughout the entire ordeal we put ourselves through. “We” meaning she and I and yes, we did put ourselves through it because we were both doing the “adding fuel to the fire” thing for a really long time. It was childish, immature, stupid, and petty and I honestly can't tell you why I participated in it all for so long. We'll just chock it up to the fact that I didn't go to a “real” high school (I was home schooled) and I subconsciously felt the need to experience all of that high school drama bullshit because for whatever reason, I felt “left out” or something. When I get out of school and have my Psychology degree, I'll let you know what the real reason is on why I did this, but til then, that's what we're gonna say it is!

Most of mine and The Psycho's bullshit happened on myspace and through text messages, though she DID leave one particularly colorful voicemail on my phone once. It was...entertaining, really. She screamed a lot. I mean, A LOT. Very loudly, too. Her voice got all screetchy and high pitched (and that's saying something, cause she sounds like a man normally). Like I said, very entertaining.

Most of the time, The Psycho just lied through her teeth and made up bullshit stories she thought I would believe. I did fall for it occasionally due to Husband's shady and weird behavior at the time. He and I are WELL past that and in all honesty, everything that we went through was completely worth it because the more she tried to push us apart, the closer we seemed to magnetize towards each other.

Anyway, enough of the mushy couple-y stuff haha! Onto the drama! Cause that's what we all want, right? No, we hate drama, but that's what this post is about so, onward march!

The Psycho is a 22 (now at least, she was 20 at the start of this—we're the same age, by the way, but I promise if I hadn't told you her age, you'd think she was still a teenager in high school) year old girl who never stopped the 16 year old high school mentality. She hated to be out-smarted, so she got very angry at me very often because it was quite easy for me to out-wit/smart her due to the fact that:

(a) she was too jealous and angry all the time to think clearly
(b) She really is just that dumb. Seriously. She didn't finish high school and never got a G.E.D. And it's not like she had a good reason for that like some people!

For example, I would consider dropping out of school so you could work full time to help support your family because your parents just aren't really making ends meet and you're the oldest so obviously the responsibility to help pick up the slack automatically falls on you....a really good reason for not completing your high school education. Plus you can always go back and get your G.E.D. Later! But she just dropped out because of the lame-o reason of “I don't like school” like everyone else loved it SO much and everything. Boo-fucking-hoo. Grow up and get over it!

Anyway...let's see...This girl has seriously done a lot to damage her chances of me ever being civil to her ever again. Even if the next time I saw her, she was being mauled by a pack of ravenous wolves and I had the capability to save her, I wouldn't. In fact, I would probably watch and laugh at her suffering because you know what? Karma's a bitch! I'm probably going to hell for this.

She continually spoke for Husband as though she knew his every thought and opinion on everything in the entire universe and said that he loved her, told me about how great and untouchable their love was, and even tried to convince me that they had this connection where they could talk to each other through thoughts and dreams! Did I mention she's Wiccan and she believes in Tarot cards WAY too much? So much so that she would live and die by the past/present/future readings. She read the cards a LOT through this ordeal and continually tried to convince me how she and Husband were destined to be because “the cards say so”. I laughed so hard at this every time because it was so obvious that as someone who believes in Tarot cards, she didn't even understand the most basic things about them. I don't know much about Tarot and I will admit that right now, so anyone that knows more can correct me if I am wrong. But I am pretty sure I know enough to know that when you do a reading that involves the future, it only gives you a possibility of what might happen and nothing is guaranteed because life is ever-changing and one small decision can your entire future.

Like I mentioned before, The Psycho proved her stupidity repeatedly. A few examples:

1.) Calling me a gold-digger when (a) she later admitted to me (in the same conversation, no less!) that she left Husband because he didn't have a job and she was going to “teach him a lesson” by leaving and (b) at the time, Husband did not have a job, I did, and I was supporting both of us. Yeah, that's real gold-digger material right there!

2.) Repeatedly telling me that I would be a horrible mother and going on to convince me she would be the perfect mother because she worked at a daycare and babysat a lot when she was younger. Someone should inform her that babysitter ≠ mother.

3.) I was reminded over and over through my pregnancy that the only thing that Husband cared about was “the kid in my stomach” and told to not confuse the baby and myself (because he cared about the baby, but not me, so the care he showed for me was really care for the baby and....yeah, her logic = failure).

4.) She thought she would be able to get me institutionalized because of things posted on myspace, sent in text messages, some third mystery source she would never name (probably because it didn't exist), and she had four “witnesses” to my supposed unstable behavior. Guess she doesn't realize that the things on myspace/in texts would be tossed out due to her responses (which is the exact reason I never went through with my thoughts of getting a restraining order on her) and random people off the street can't get anyone put in a mental hospital.

5.) On the subject of mental cases, did I mention she also repeatedly told me that she would ruin my wedding, marry Husband immediately after, claimed that she would be a mother-figure to my child, who would “love her, call her mom and live with her”. Who's the mental case now?!

Those are just a few examples of her sheer stupidity. I could go on for hours. Seriously. This girl was delusional as HELL and lived in a fantasy land.

She even went as far as to steal MY pictures of Husband (which were taken at Nanny's house from Christmas of 2008) from my myspace just so she could have some recent ones of him since she deleted all of her old ones. She constantly threatened to beat my ass and used her public myspace blog to try and get some kind of twisted sympathy from her friends after spilling a bunch of lies about how I was stalking her.

The Psycho also seems to think that the only important aspect of a romantic relationship is SEX. Like, seriously. She's a sex addict, I swear, because she kept attacking my sex life like it was a rabid raccoon that was going to attack her face.

She was also obsessed with fighting. She thinks it makes her so tough and I'm just some weak little bitch because I've never been in a fight before. Guess she never understood the fact that not everyone is a fighter. Some people really are just lovers. I am such a person, but I will fight for my love. She never did grasp the fact that even though I'd never been in a fight before (and still haven't, to this day) and don't know how to fight, if she ever would have followed up on those threats in which she claimed she would “beat my ass” and/or “piece me up in 3 seconds”, I damn sure would have tried my hardest. Plus, Brother has told me that I've got it in me, I just don't know it yet and I believe his judgment.

She tried to convince me that she and Mother-In-Law are like best friends and she sees her/talks to her all the time. Unfortunately for her, I heard straight from MIL's own mouth that she “Hated that bitch and was so glad when [Husband's name] finally left her ass for good!” That made my day when she told me that.

The Psycho really liked to try to insult me in every way possible. She insulted my appearance, my hygiene, my family, my friends, my personality, and even my work ethic. Don't get me wrong, some people kind of almost deserve to be insulted because, let's be honest, they're pretty much asking for it. However, if you plan on insulting someone, you should make sure you know them or at least know enough about them that your insults will make sense. If you insult someone when you have nothing to base it on, you just look like a stupid jackass in the end and I highly advise you skip the insult and keep your mouth shut unless looking like a stupid jackass is your intention or a goal you have for your life. In that case, feel free to insult people you know nothing about! Otherwise, go find someone everyone knows something about to insult. Like Justin Timberlake or Miley Cyrus.

The Psycho also loved creating “Your man is cheating on you” stories and even tried to say something about me cheating on him because—get this—I was going to the library every day. When Husband was working on a house of a said-to-be ex-Playboy bunny, The Psycho tried to convince me that he did not get paid with money, but by having sex with this woman. Do you see how completely insane all of this sounds? Never believed it for a minute.

Do you see what I mean about how ridiculous this shit got? This all went on from January 2009 through March or April (I can't remember exactly) 2010! How pathetic is that? By the end, I was just annoyed and was ignoring this shit like a mofo.

Oh and something I almost forgot to mention! At one point—after I blocked The Psycho on myspace—she even went as far as having one of her friends (we'll call her Psycho Friend since she must be on the same level as The Psycho and all Psycho people must be collectively grouped together to avoid confusion) message me to tell me that I got pregnant on purpose because I thought it would “force” Husband to stay with me.

>> Note: Just so you know, Babyboy was not planned by any means but I love him with all my heart to teeny tiny incy weency little bits and I would not change anything involving my Genius Kid—you think I'm joking or doing that “He's my kid so he's obviously special” thing that all parents do, but just wait for the post in the future that lists all of his accomplishments and how much faster he achieved them than is said to be a “normal rate”—for anything in the world! << style="font-style: italic;">People I Think I Can Actively Trust list.

They also claimed that I was taking him away from everyone he knew so I could isolate him from all of his friends and family and control his every move. This came up because he and I both made the decision to come live with my parents (which I will admit is wayyyy the hell out in the country compared to the city life we were previously living in) to get ourselves out of the whole 37-year-old-man-Complaint-Master-living-on-our-bedroom-floor situation.

Psycho Friend informed me that I would be a deadbeat mom and went on to tell me why she was such an amazing mother. The excerpt is taken straight from the message Psycho Friend sent:

Ha you think he loves you and will never leave you thats just what he tells you to protect his kid because you had to be a stupid cunt and say you were going to kill yourself and the baby and you have no business bein a mom at all. Iam a real fucking mom my son is ten months old and I am six months ppregnant with a girl and I take care of my kids im a full time mom I physicly,emotional, and financialy take care of my son and more and I take care of my daughter by taking care of myself by eating right and being active and walking daily I dont do what you do and just stay in bed and sit on my ass all day why dont you start by stop being a worthless bitch.

First of all, let me say I just LOVE her use of run-on sentences that I really thought would never end. The first sentence is 50 words. The second (which is the rest of the entire paragraph) has 92 words. Not to mention her severe lack of knowledge of the English language and grammar. Don't get me started on spelling! I love people who think they're being really mean, but it gets completely ruined because I'm too busy laughing a the fact that they can't use anything they should have learned in middle school English in anything remotely resembling a correct manner to be insulted or hurt. It's awesome.

And The Psycho had even LESS of a grasp on the English language and grammar. She seemed to think that the word “you” only needed the letter “u” at all times, never capitalized anything, used the number 2 for the words “to” and “too”, and shortened everything in the worst ways possible. Her blogs posted to me (which I may show you some of the ones I still have screen caps of sometime) brought a lot of laughter to my boring days as I waited for Babyboy to finally make his appearance.

Eventually, around the end of 2009 (around November or December, I suppose, but fuck if I remember or care) The Psycho finally found a new victim, er...I mean man to be with/obsess over and it all ended. But not before this next thing I'm about to tell you:

At one point, I finally just got completely fed up of having to deal with her fakeass threats of beating my ass or calling the cops on me, all of the “he doesn't love/fuck you like he loved/fucked me.” (she seemed to be under the impression that the two words were interchangeable and actually meant the same thing) and the bullshit “he fucked me 9 times on my birthday and tucked me in and asked me to marry him while engaged to you and has been cheating on you with me and every other girl in the state of Texas that ever looked at him since you moved into his house in August” stories and never being able to chisel through the incredibly thick shield of stupidity and drama that completely surrounded her to get her to see I really was being reasonable in asking her to please just SHUT THE FUCK UP and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE (because after a year and a half of this shit, you get very frustrated/angry and you just explode at the sheer stupidity of the person you've been dealing with), I ended up messaging her boyfriend on myspace and kindly asked him to call his girl off my ass because she had been harassing me for over a year.

His reply was very polite and from what I could tell, he seemed to be like a reasonable and sane person, so I can't even begin to imagine what possibly could have possessed him to be with The Psycho, but anyway, he kindly told me that he was not going to get involved because it was not his fight, it was between The Psycho and I.

I will admit, I was glad he was nice about it and didn't start yelling at me since I took over 20 minutes to figure out a nice was to say “Can you please slap your stupid bitch of a girlfriend around a bit and hopefully knock some sense into her so she can see I'm actively trying to stop this useless drama that's been going on for WAY TOO FUCKING long?” and I was really proud of the fact that I did, in fact, come up with a nice was to say that and had he responded in a rude manner, I probably would have lost my cool.

Anyway, like I was saying, I was glad he was nice about a random stranger messaging him and telling him some not so great things about his girlfriend (I even managed to suppress the urge to tell him that he was with a girl that was so completely hung up on her ex and ruining my relationship with that ex, that he didn't really have a chance in hell with her, so be proud of me!) but really when I go back and think it over, I have come to the conclusion that this guy is actually so much of a pussy-punk-ass-bitch that he can't even talk to his girl about her unreasonable, crazy, stalker-like behavior. And that's really sad. Makes me wonder if he's really that spineless, if he's super desperate for a piece of ass (I hear she's practically a slut. Oh and he was out at seat for a tour or something cause he was in the Navy and shit, so yeah, maybe he's just desperate), or if perhaps The Psycho has somehow managed to brainwash him and programed him to believe every word out of her mouth as though God Himself spoke it. Either way, I have a feeling it won't end well for him!

Now, however, this entire ordeal is over and has been for...about 2-3 months (isn't that sad? It's June 2010 as I write this and it has only been over for 2-3 months). But let me tell you, it was the most INSANE 19 months of my life. Ups and downs and loop-de-loops galore, worse than any roller coaster you've ever been on, I promise. I've never felt so many emotions crammed into my tiny body at one time before and I can definitely say that even if I never feel that way ever again in a million lifetimes, it will be far too soon!

Now that it's all over and this new chapter of my life as a wife (I am actively calling myself a wife because I practically am, it's only ) and mother has really taken on the primary role in my life, things are going a lot better. I am happier and so is Husband. Any time I think of her and all the drama she caused in my life (there were several times that Husband and I very nearly broke up over her through all this, but we stood strong, talked things out, and are still together today!), I just remind myself that Karma will be a bigger bitch to her than I am even capable of being. And the fact that Karma could possibly come in the form of her dying alone and unloved and possibly suffering (or being hit by a bus) is enough to make me happy.

I'm definitely going to hell for this.

And that is the story of The Psycho, in a nutshell! Sorry. It still ended up being 6 pages long on my word processor... But TRUST ME. This is much better than the original. Funnier too! So be happy for that! :D